Monday, December 24, 2012
Do you hate your family?
Just some humor to get you through the holidays with your family without killing someone. :) Enjoy!!
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Tattoo?
This is my next tattoo, drawn by me. Not very good, but it gets the point across to the artist.
The Supression of Freak
Did everyone have a nice end of the world? I did. New leather jacket, saw a local band play at a local dive bar, danced the night away with Master, two hand print bruises on my ass, I'd say a successful dooms-day.
So back to the beginning....
My first boyfriend. Picture a tall, skinny, translucently pale, ginger guy. My friends used to call him "fire crotch" because of the ginger fuzz everywhere on his body. Basically, a dweeb through and through. He was my first for everything. First kiss, first love (yes I did love him), first fuck, the works. He was the most kind hearted person you'll ever meet....and that's about it. He was as simple, and uncomplicated as they come. He despised any kind of conflict, so everything was, "Oh I'm sorry, I'll change" or "You're right, I shouldn't have done that". Now, some people might be thinking, "Well isn't that the perfect guy, always telling you you're right?" Well let me tell you...it fucking sucks. Imagine trying to have a conversation about your interests and mentioning a band you like and getting "I've never heard of them, but I'm sure I'll like them if you do" in response. For everything. All the time. It was cute for about a week. Then I started picking fights over stupid shit just to get him to show some kind of emotion whatsoever. Anything. He was passionate about nothing. He didn't strive for greatness, he settled for mediocre. Basically, I wore the pants in the relationship.
For FIVE FUCKING YEARS I put up with this. I swear I should be canonized as a saint. The sex was horrible. He couldn't make me orgasm. Not once in five years. I faked every single one. For five years. Did I mention that it was for five years? FUCK! I tried to get him to go along with my kinky tastes, but he just about had a heart attack when I asked him to choke me and finger my asshole. So for five years, the freak in me was rattling her cage. Screaming and clawing trying to get out, but Captain Vanilla Sex wouldn't have anything to do with it.
To this day, I don't know what happened, but something snapped in me and I couldn't take it anymore. I ended it with him. Broke his heart and mine. Like I said, I did love him. First love, took my virginity and all that jazz, but I ended it. It was honestly the most healthy decision I've ever made for myself. Not gonna lie, it hurt like hell to see him hurt like that, but I knew it was the best for both of us. We would never work. I started the recovery process by joining a dating website. I know, probably not the most logical choice, but I was curious to see what else was out there. I was completely honest about myself on my profile. I said that I had a "dark side" that wasn't going to change, so if you didn't like it, move on. The first guy to notice my profile was to be my Master. I didn't know it at the time, but I would end up falling madly in love with him. He was cute, but quite honestly, nothing about him stood out to me. He was nice, and we talked online a few times, when I got fed up with it, and asked him to play 20 questions. The first bunch were generic, boring questions like favorite bands, movies, foods, etc. The last one was "What is your deepest darkest secret". I honestly didn't think he would respond to that one, and as expected, he didn't at first. He said he didn't really have one, and then asked me the same question. So, I said to myself, you know what the hell. I've got nothing to lose. I told him that I was into some kinky shit, and his response was something along the lines of "Please, please tell me what you mean by kinky". I listed a whole slew of things that would have any vanilla guy running for the hills. He responded with a list of his own likes that happened to be just as kinky, if not kinkier than mine. That's when I got interested. I asked him jokingly if he'd been reading 50 Shades, and I laughed at him. Yes, Master, if you are reading this, I admit it. I laughed at you. But only because I didn't think there was anyone else out there that was like me. I had lost hope. Master changed that.
We started texting each other, and the more we talked, the more I realized that we had more in common than is normal for two people. We were literally like the opposite sex version of each other. We started talking about what we wanted out of each other, and he mentioned that he was not ready for a real relationship, but he mentioned that he wanted to try and be friends with benefits. I decided to give it a try. It can't hurt, right? Well we made plans to meet one Saturday, and by Thursday, I had cold feet. I realized that already I had feelings for this man that I hadn't even met yet. I knew that if we had sex, I would want more, and he couldn't give that to me. I told him this, and he agreed. I believe it was close to three weeks that we didn't speak to each other, but I thought about him every day. I couldn't get him out of my mind. In those three weeks I had two one night stands. Both were horrible, as I'm sure most one night stands are, but I'm a very sexual person, and I wanted it. Then, I noticed that Master had viewed my profile on the dating site three times. When I saw his name there, I had this odd sensation of contentment. Like I knew everything was going to be ok. I texted him and joking said "I see you're stalking my profile again". We hit it off just like the first time, and decided to just be friends and see where things went. During this time I had two more flings. The last one, with an asshole that ended up trying to force me to give him a blowjob. Luckily I was able to get him off of me and out of my apartment, but it really shook me up. When I told Master about this incident, I think something snapped in his head. I think he realized then that he wanted to be more than friends. I've never seen someone so mad. I know that if he was near me when that happened, he would have killed that guy.
He still didn't want a relationship, but we were exclusive. I didn't want to see anyone else, and I didn't want him to see anyone else. Yet another cliff hanger. Sorry guys, but when master requests slave's presence for punishment, slave does not say no. ;)
Peace, Love, and Pain,
Slave
So back to the beginning....
My first boyfriend. Picture a tall, skinny, translucently pale, ginger guy. My friends used to call him "fire crotch" because of the ginger fuzz everywhere on his body. Basically, a dweeb through and through. He was my first for everything. First kiss, first love (yes I did love him), first fuck, the works. He was the most kind hearted person you'll ever meet....and that's about it. He was as simple, and uncomplicated as they come. He despised any kind of conflict, so everything was, "Oh I'm sorry, I'll change" or "You're right, I shouldn't have done that". Now, some people might be thinking, "Well isn't that the perfect guy, always telling you you're right?" Well let me tell you...it fucking sucks. Imagine trying to have a conversation about your interests and mentioning a band you like and getting "I've never heard of them, but I'm sure I'll like them if you do" in response. For everything. All the time. It was cute for about a week. Then I started picking fights over stupid shit just to get him to show some kind of emotion whatsoever. Anything. He was passionate about nothing. He didn't strive for greatness, he settled for mediocre. Basically, I wore the pants in the relationship.
For FIVE FUCKING YEARS I put up with this. I swear I should be canonized as a saint. The sex was horrible. He couldn't make me orgasm. Not once in five years. I faked every single one. For five years. Did I mention that it was for five years? FUCK! I tried to get him to go along with my kinky tastes, but he just about had a heart attack when I asked him to choke me and finger my asshole. So for five years, the freak in me was rattling her cage. Screaming and clawing trying to get out, but Captain Vanilla Sex wouldn't have anything to do with it.
To this day, I don't know what happened, but something snapped in me and I couldn't take it anymore. I ended it with him. Broke his heart and mine. Like I said, I did love him. First love, took my virginity and all that jazz, but I ended it. It was honestly the most healthy decision I've ever made for myself. Not gonna lie, it hurt like hell to see him hurt like that, but I knew it was the best for both of us. We would never work. I started the recovery process by joining a dating website. I know, probably not the most logical choice, but I was curious to see what else was out there. I was completely honest about myself on my profile. I said that I had a "dark side" that wasn't going to change, so if you didn't like it, move on. The first guy to notice my profile was to be my Master. I didn't know it at the time, but I would end up falling madly in love with him. He was cute, but quite honestly, nothing about him stood out to me. He was nice, and we talked online a few times, when I got fed up with it, and asked him to play 20 questions. The first bunch were generic, boring questions like favorite bands, movies, foods, etc. The last one was "What is your deepest darkest secret". I honestly didn't think he would respond to that one, and as expected, he didn't at first. He said he didn't really have one, and then asked me the same question. So, I said to myself, you know what the hell. I've got nothing to lose. I told him that I was into some kinky shit, and his response was something along the lines of "Please, please tell me what you mean by kinky". I listed a whole slew of things that would have any vanilla guy running for the hills. He responded with a list of his own likes that happened to be just as kinky, if not kinkier than mine. That's when I got interested. I asked him jokingly if he'd been reading 50 Shades, and I laughed at him. Yes, Master, if you are reading this, I admit it. I laughed at you. But only because I didn't think there was anyone else out there that was like me. I had lost hope. Master changed that.
We started texting each other, and the more we talked, the more I realized that we had more in common than is normal for two people. We were literally like the opposite sex version of each other. We started talking about what we wanted out of each other, and he mentioned that he was not ready for a real relationship, but he mentioned that he wanted to try and be friends with benefits. I decided to give it a try. It can't hurt, right? Well we made plans to meet one Saturday, and by Thursday, I had cold feet. I realized that already I had feelings for this man that I hadn't even met yet. I knew that if we had sex, I would want more, and he couldn't give that to me. I told him this, and he agreed. I believe it was close to three weeks that we didn't speak to each other, but I thought about him every day. I couldn't get him out of my mind. In those three weeks I had two one night stands. Both were horrible, as I'm sure most one night stands are, but I'm a very sexual person, and I wanted it. Then, I noticed that Master had viewed my profile on the dating site three times. When I saw his name there, I had this odd sensation of contentment. Like I knew everything was going to be ok. I texted him and joking said "I see you're stalking my profile again". We hit it off just like the first time, and decided to just be friends and see where things went. During this time I had two more flings. The last one, with an asshole that ended up trying to force me to give him a blowjob. Luckily I was able to get him off of me and out of my apartment, but it really shook me up. When I told Master about this incident, I think something snapped in his head. I think he realized then that he wanted to be more than friends. I've never seen someone so mad. I know that if he was near me when that happened, he would have killed that guy.
He still didn't want a relationship, but we were exclusive. I didn't want to see anyone else, and I didn't want him to see anyone else. Yet another cliff hanger. Sorry guys, but when master requests slave's presence for punishment, slave does not say no. ;)
Peace, Love, and Pain,
Slave
Friday, December 21, 2012
Are you a freak like me?
Hey all,
I'm Ann. First of all, this blog is about my life as a submissive. Yes, as in dom/sub, BDSM, bondage, kinky sex type of submissive. If this will offend you, don't read it. Plain and simple. I know that my lifestyle isn't for everyone, and it isn't for the faint of heart, so I wont get my feelings hurt if you decide to skip this blog. Oh and I swear a lot too, so youngins, conservatives, and tight laced types of the world beware. There's my own personal warning label. If you decide to keep reading and find something repulsively offensive, well, I don't fucking care. I told you so.
For those of you who are brave enough to dive headfirst into the painful, lustful, nasty, pleasurable, deliciously fucked up world of bdsm, you're in for a treat. Whether you are a hard core fan, have experimented with a little bondage, or are a vanilla newcomer that read 50 Shades of Grey and are curious about this lifestyle, I hope you enjoy.
My interest in bdsm started as a realization that with immense pain comes unbelievable pleasure. Nay sayers don't understand that the pain and pleasure are not intertwined directly. The pain does not cause the pleasure, but the pain cleanses your senses so that when the pleasurable experience is given to you, it exceeds any expectation you ever have. It's like when you get in a fight with someone and you just cry and scream and get so mad you can't even speak, but after you calm down, there's a serenity that you don't normally feel when you don't cry. It's the same concept. You can have an orgasm without pain, but imagine that the pain of the whip or the cane or what have you is like the crying. It's a release of everything into one pure feeling. After that pain is over and you experience an orgasm, it is mind blowing. There are no words to describe it. It's just the most pure, unspoiled pleasure possible, and it's like a drug. You always want more. That's how it started for me. I broke my leg, and had my first orgasm in the same day. The single most agonizing moment of my life, right before the most pleasurable. I'll admit, it took me years to put the two together, but I found myself pulling my own hair, or brutally pinching my own nipples when I would pleasure myself. Soon, I was researching if this was normal behavior (I didn't dare ask my parents for obvious reasons), and I found that there is an entire world out there for people that enjoy this kind of thing. So, I kept doing it, until I got my first boyfriend. More on that fiasco tomorrow. Right now, I've got to go meet my current boyfriend (also known as my master or my dom) at the mall. He's buying me a leather jacket :)
Peace, Love, and Pain,
Ann
I'm Ann. First of all, this blog is about my life as a submissive. Yes, as in dom/sub, BDSM, bondage, kinky sex type of submissive. If this will offend you, don't read it. Plain and simple. I know that my lifestyle isn't for everyone, and it isn't for the faint of heart, so I wont get my feelings hurt if you decide to skip this blog. Oh and I swear a lot too, so youngins, conservatives, and tight laced types of the world beware. There's my own personal warning label. If you decide to keep reading and find something repulsively offensive, well, I don't fucking care. I told you so.
For those of you who are brave enough to dive headfirst into the painful, lustful, nasty, pleasurable, deliciously fucked up world of bdsm, you're in for a treat. Whether you are a hard core fan, have experimented with a little bondage, or are a vanilla newcomer that read 50 Shades of Grey and are curious about this lifestyle, I hope you enjoy.
My interest in bdsm started as a realization that with immense pain comes unbelievable pleasure. Nay sayers don't understand that the pain and pleasure are not intertwined directly. The pain does not cause the pleasure, but the pain cleanses your senses so that when the pleasurable experience is given to you, it exceeds any expectation you ever have. It's like when you get in a fight with someone and you just cry and scream and get so mad you can't even speak, but after you calm down, there's a serenity that you don't normally feel when you don't cry. It's the same concept. You can have an orgasm without pain, but imagine that the pain of the whip or the cane or what have you is like the crying. It's a release of everything into one pure feeling. After that pain is over and you experience an orgasm, it is mind blowing. There are no words to describe it. It's just the most pure, unspoiled pleasure possible, and it's like a drug. You always want more. That's how it started for me. I broke my leg, and had my first orgasm in the same day. The single most agonizing moment of my life, right before the most pleasurable. I'll admit, it took me years to put the two together, but I found myself pulling my own hair, or brutally pinching my own nipples when I would pleasure myself. Soon, I was researching if this was normal behavior (I didn't dare ask my parents for obvious reasons), and I found that there is an entire world out there for people that enjoy this kind of thing. So, I kept doing it, until I got my first boyfriend. More on that fiasco tomorrow. Right now, I've got to go meet my current boyfriend (also known as my master or my dom) at the mall. He's buying me a leather jacket :)
Peace, Love, and Pain,
Ann
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